Please try to answer the following questions as honestly as possible.
1—What do you think caused your conservatism?
2—When and how did you first decide you were a conservative?
3—Is it possible that your conservatism stems from a morbid fear of ambiguity?
4—Is it possible that your conservatism is just a phase you may grow out of?
5—Conservatives have histories of failure in personal relationships. Do you think you may have turned to conservative politics out of fear of rejection?
6—If you’ve never had an open mind, how do you know that you wouldn’t prefer that?
7—If conservatism is normal, why are a disproportionate number of mental patients registered Republicans?
8—Have you disclosed your conservative tendencies to your friends? How did they react?
9—Your conservatism doesn’t offend me so long as you don’t try to force it on me. Why do you people feel compelled to seduce others into your socio-political orientation?
10—Should you choose to become a parent, would you raise your children with conservative values, knowing the mental, emotional, and spiritual poverty they would face?
11—The great majority of child molesters are conservative Republicans. Do you really consider it safe to expose your children to conservative Republican teachers?
12—Why do you insist on being so obvious, and making a public spectacle of your conservatism? Can’t you just be who you are and keep it quiet?
13—How can you ever hope to become a whole person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusive, GOP political orientation, and remain unwilling to explore and develop your normal, healthy, Goddess-given liberal potential?
14—Republicans are noted for assigning themselves and others narrowly restricted, stereotyped sexual, social, and economic roles. Why do you cling to such unhealthy role playing?
15—Why do conservatives place so much emphasis on sex and money? Do you support prostitution?
16—Shouldn’t you ask the fringe conservative types, like anti-abortion terrorists, NRA wingnuts, Limbaugh dittoheads, and Southern Baptists, to behave? Wouldn’t a little decorum improve the overall conservative image?
17—Could the human race survive if everyone became conservative and joined the Republican Party, considering the accelerated potential for world wide-cultural and ecological collapse, not to mention the menace of preemptive use of weapons of mass destruction?
18—There seem to be very few happy conservatives. Techniques have been developed with which you might be able to change if you really want to. Have you considered sex therapy?
19—Why do conservative Republicans hate or distrust so many other people? Is that what makes them Republican?
20—Why are conservatives so promiscuously religious?
21—Polls indicate that conservatives engage in sex less often than people of any other political persuasion. Isn’t possible that all you need is a good lay?
Dr. Omed prays for the conversion of Infidels and Republicans every day.
(Originally published in Dr. Omed's Tent Show Revival 6.21.04)
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